Hello Everyone - I know why it has taken me a year to get blogging. It wasn't only because I didn't know how to go about it, even though that was a big part of it. It was also because I have an emotional block that has stopping me from investigating how to go about it. In my childhood family being visible on my terms generates a great deal of criticism and rejection. Being a woman in my childhood family requires me to fit into the female role that hasn't changed much from before my grandmother's day. It also means not speaking what I really feel or challenge the power and control that the bullies in my family have, and definitely don't air the dirty laundry in public or go cleaning out the skeletons from the cupboard. Those of you who have read my book will know what I'm talking about.
It wasn't until Matt Duggan from www.adventuresininternetmarketing.net started showing me how to set up a more internet based marketing strategy that I had no more excuses. It was time to "face my fear and do it anyway" as Susan Jeffers would say. It was time to face my internal critic, the same one that I had to battle during the writing of "The Silent Female Scream" because this critic wasn't telling me the truth. It was based on the messages of silence and invisibility that I had been taught to live by as a girl.
Sadly, I know that I'm not alone with having to slay the dragon of feeling safe by being invisible. Countless women around the world have been taught to think that keeping quiet and not showing others what they really want and think, what they truly feel and the life they want to live is protecting them from being criticised, rejected and for too many, being killed. The tragic fact is that for many women being invisible does keep them safe. But it also doesn't challenge or change the status quo.
It is no coincidence that this has come up to be healed. It is time for me to stop writing with the hand brake on - which is how it feels. And it is time to visit New Zealand during August on my terms. I haven't been back for over 10 years. The last time I visited was for my father's funeral. It is time to reconnect with the country I was born in and find my own voice there and a home for the Women's Power Circles. What is hitting me between the eyes as I write this, is the change from leaving a silenced disempowered woman over 17 years ago and now returning having set up Women's Power Circles. Things have really changed for me and recognising this makes me relax because All is well!!!
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